I read somewhere that life is too short for small things. Since, it is a journey which contains so many ups and downs, one should not get bothered by misunderstandings and altercations and yet we still find ourselves surrounded by them. It’s hard for us to stay away as we can’t understand everyone-their point of view, opinions and intentions.
When such differences start to pop up in our relations, things get different. It becomes difficult to trust and believe what the other person says. The entire friendship gets compromised. It takes a lot of time to even realize what happened.
The very first thing, we feel is how we got to this shallow end! Our inner conscious constantly repeats -“What on earth went wrong? How can this happen? I never saw this coming! He was my best mate, I had never expected this from him! He has changed, things have changed. He is not the one who I used to call my friend etc.”
It is not easy to break something up which took years to build. But it all will be like a tiny hole in the ship which would eventually get bigger and bigger with the passage of time and in the end will take the ship down!
The same thing happened with me a couple of months ago! I wasn’t pleased with two different groups of people who are/were very close to me. I had known the1st group for about 5-7 years and another for barely a year. I won’t go in detail but, it was about being friends and trusting each other. I never had a fight/ verbal spat with any of my friends so when a situation like this happened, I couldn’t figure out what I should do!
I was having issues with the first for more than a year. I was not pleased with the treatment I was getting because they had actually reduced me to nothing. I had distanced myself from them because, I thought it was the best thing to do. No one likes to be treated badly and I felt that since me being there for them doesn’t matter to them anymore so it is better to step aside. And that’s exactly what I did and what I still think is the best decision.
When things came to notice, we met. I was honestly excited to see him coming to my house (One of my best friends). Now, at that time I couldn’t have thought our meeting would end with a heated argument and awkward silence. The moment our conversation began, I somehow knew that it wouldn’t end well. We both had different viewpoints to the same things. My friend started to say things which, according to me were one-dimensional and completely irrelevant. We weren’t seeing each other in the eyes. We talked for 2 hours flat and in the end, I had to give up, I really had to! While keeping my concern and points, I realized that other party wasn’t much interested. He was not the person who I once had known in my life!
I was again reduced to nothing. I realized that this ship has sunk or will eventually sink. I was honestly hoping that we would “sort-out” our issues and get back to talking terms. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. I guess I have changed and so has the other one. I was still willing to shake hands and hug it out but then later, I just wanted to show him the door towards the exit.
After my unsuccessful reconciliation, I was disheartened. Later when I had issues with the 2nd group, I thought of zoning myself out and take the exit before things ruining things like the last time. It was indeed a clever decision!
After sometime, The 2nd group made an honest attempt to sort things out. I was reluctant at start because, I felt things would end just like the last time. But I was wrong. Maybe one bad experience had changed the way, how I used to reconcile with people!
The second group was really interested in getting back. Their efforts made me believe that everything does not have to end on bad terms! I welcomed their motion with a smile. Our conversation lasted for only 10 minutes. I could feel that the 2nd group and I were on the same page. They were realizing their mistakes and so was I.
Obviously, I was also wrong in my approach. They had tried to reconcile earlier, but I was so shattered and angry that I didn’t took much interest. They didn’t shift the blame on me entirely. After clearing in the air, I felt that maybe it will take me some time to catch up from where I had left previously but in reality, the scenario was completely different than what I had thought in my mind.
When we started to talk like we used to do, once again we were back to being “us”. At that moment I realized that you can burry a hacket only with those who feel the need too. I have reunited with them. We have fixed the hole and are making sure that things remain the same as they were.
Guys, it was never about who was right or wrong. People have their own viewpoints and getting each and every one on the same page every time is not possible. It disheartening but true that Nothing lasts forever on its own, you have to make efforts. Whether it’s friendship or relationship or anything else, both the parties have to do their bit to make it work.
During the time when I was angry with any of the two groups, I never bad-mouthed. I had love and affection for both of them. I was unhappy but at the time was always ready to patch things up. It’s unfortunate that I couldn’t get along with the first, but serious who cares, I guess that’s how it was meant.
My Humble advice to you is simple. Bury the Hatchet! It’s not that easy as it sounds but If you know/feel that you could get back or patch up with those who are just like you, on the same page (group 2nd in my case) desirous of getting back with you, then don’t wait or don’t hold back.
They are the ones who will understand and will know the way to figure out well. They know you have to slap two hands together to produce a clap! Never run away from any efforts made from the other side. Try to keep calm and have an honest chat. If they are able to understand you then… you know the rest!
It’s the time for you to fix the whole, drain the water. For those who aren’t interested- do the best you can. It will be sad not to be back with those with whom you have great friendships and a big bundle of memories… But that’s the way life is, everything doesn’t last forever. But I am pretty sure True Friendships would 🙂
Love, Peace and Happiness Always